I. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.
HT: Wretched Radio.
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JULY 2008 — Vince McMahon, chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), announced today that revivalist Todd Bentley has signed on to compete on Friday Night SmackDown! as a featured wrestler in his organization. Said McMahon, “After watching Todd knee-slam a Stage 4 colon cancer patient in the stomach during the Lakeland Healing Outpouring, I knew he had what it takes to be the next Hulk Hogan.”
Read the full story here.
Photo Credit: “WWE survivor series” by )x(Nato)x(.
The good folks at Tominthebox.net recently learned that Benny Hinn has been granted the first official “sainthood” by Health, Wealth and Prosperity “Gospel” (HWPG) leaders like Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Copeland, Leroy Thompson, and Joel Osteen.
In a statement, Kenneth Copeland explained the rationale behind the decision to bestow the sainthood upon (Benny) Hinn:
“Well, the man has healed many,” said Kenneth Copeland. “And his ministry is worldwide, plus he’s got that cute little accent which really adds a sort of cultural flair to the whole deal. Overall though, we looked primarily at his bank account and his possessions. That man’s got a lot of stuff and that’s proof he’s got a lot of faith.”
I wonder what I might get if I revere this saint alongside the popes of the Emergent movement and the Environment (Al Gore). First things first though, I’ll have to print this out, get it laminated then stick it on my bank book!
Full story here.
HT: Team Tominthebox News Network (TBNN) via Daniel’s Place.
No gimmicks (though some props like gold dust might be useful)!
If you have some knowledge of theology (even if it’s bad), have read the Bible at least once from cover to cover or even just some choice verses (it doesn’t matter, really), you are in place to have all that you covet beyond your wildest dreams without having to spend a single dime of your own!
Introducing…
Pulpit Pimping For Dummies
Take your ministry to the next level. Walk in divine prosperity. Get the breakthrough you keep promising the sheeple. Drive the best cars, live in the biggest house, fly the best planes and patronize the best restaurants.
The Dummies guide tells you how to convince people to give you more money than they can afford to give you. But not only that, it teaches you how to make those people think you are doing them a favor by taking the money. We give you the secrets for convincing people to pay you their tithes BEFORE they pay their rent or electric bill. Do you want to make people financially dependent on you? We’ll tell you how.
This had me in stitches, and I think it’s just plain genius how the producers have captured the essence of the nonsense spewing from leaders of the Emergent movement, even managing to include the “sex and church” preachers.
All in all, absolutely hilarious, totally disgusting, but unquestionably sad and thoroughly worrying.
Sola Scriptura
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Text provided by the Crossway Bibles Web Service.
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