The Christian Perspective on Marriage — Part Two: Gender Roles

In Part One, we learned that marriage is an institution ordained by God from the very beginning, when Eve was made a help for Adam as God knew that it was no good for man to be alone.

In this second part, we’ll look at the gender roles for men and women in a marriage as instructed in the Bible.

Husbands

Perhaps the most important passage in the Bible on the role of the husband in a marriage is found in Ephesians 5:23 –

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Ephesians 5:23

That sets the tone for any marriage. The husband is the head of the family, just as Christ Jesus is the head of the church.

It’s just one sentence, but it says a lot! And to understand why that one sentence says so much, we must first understand what Jesus Christ’s relationship with His church is.

Christ is the head of the church, and all who are in this church submit to His authority. Note though that while Christ’s will is submitted unto, He is no tyrant, demanding His way nor rough with His charges. Instead Christ leads with love, compassion, provides for His church, and even died for our sins!

So it is with the husband’s role — the man is to be the head of the household, and his wife looks up to him as the decision-maker. In the same way that Christ loves the church, the man must love his wife the same way, never to be rough with her, but leading her with love.

This is further expounded as we read down Ephesians 5. From verse 25 onwards, Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:25-33

I hear women asking “reverence her husband”?!, so here’s a good time as any to move on to discuss the role of wives in a Christian marriage.

Wives

Now, women, we learn above that the Christian husband is the head of the household just as Christ is the head of the church.

Let’s then infer this: in any family, there can only be one leader, and that leader is the husband as God had commanded it. No organization, corporate, non-profit or social, can have more than one leader making the final decision.

So it is with marriage. There should only be one leader, and the husband is that leader.

What’s the wife’s role then? Meekly follow her husband and just be a yes-woman?

To answer that, let’s hark back to the first part of this series where we learn that God made Eve as “… an help meet…” for Adam (Genesis 2:18).

The wife, though she is to submit to her husband’s leadership (Ephesians 5:22), is his “help meet” and equal in God’s eyes. Her advice and opinions do and should count as important to her husband, for she is his help!

Putting It Together

This principle and hierarchy in a Christian marriage is so important that In Colossians 3:18-19, Paul further punctuates the importance of a wife’s submission to her husband’s lead, and for the husband to love the wife.

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Colossians 3:18-19

Summarily, it is therefore important to learn these lessons — that there can only be one leader in the marriage, i.e. the husband, and the wife submits to his leadership.

The husband must lead his wife with love, which means he ought to value her opinions, and let her suggestions take center-stage if they are better than his.

Finally, both parties must be willing to listen to and seek each other’s counsel, for one is weaker without the other.

Solomon put it best when he said

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.

Ecclesiastes 4:9

And, that, is the essence of marriage as God intended it.

Coming up: The third and final installment of the series where we discuss sex in marriage, rearing children, and summarize what truly makes a truly happy marriage.